With court cases draging on for about two years before you see any resolution and costs ranging from $60k – 150k+, there is no surprise that only about 3% of cases actually reach a Final Hearing. The emotional toll durring this whole process can be super stressful and takes a real hit on everyone involved, especially the kids.
Parents can easily become so absorbed with their own battles that they overlook the impacts on their children. It’s beneficial that you attempt to resolve disputes outside of court. Services like counselling and family mediation are available to help people who are separating. These services can help make arrangements for children and money without going to a family law court. Moving forward you should be consciousness of the following:
- Be child-focused – Focus on what your child needs, not what you need. Think and act from your child’s point of view.
- Demonstrate cooperative parenting – Seeing you have an argument or talk badly about each other, hurts your children emotional, psychological and even developmental. If the other parent tends to push your buttons this will take alot of effort, but it will benefit your children (and you) in the end.
- Don’t say, write or text ‘my child’ – My child or my children makes it look like you see the children as your possessions, rather than as human beings in their own right.
- Be balanced and fair towards the other parent – Judges, lawyers and family report writers are not impressed by ‘he said/she said’ bickering between parents.
- Be polite in texts and emails to the other parent – If the other parent sends you a nasty text or email, don’t respond. Sometimes the best approach is simply ignoring the communication. If you need to respond, stick to the facts and stay polite. Don’t engage in tit for tat.
- Own your flaws and mistakes – It’s human to be flawed and to make mistakes, own it. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. If you’re in the midst of a custody dispute, you’ve probably said or done some things you regret. Focus on a positive future for your children, rather than dwelling on the negatives of the past.
- Have realistic expectations – a lot of people with an unrealistic expectation that things will go all their way in the court process. Usually, what happens is that both parents will cop some criticism, and some form of middle ground outcome will ultimately be reached.
- Be prepared to compromise – Be open minded when thinking about different options, arrangements may not be perfect, but can you deal with them.
If you are unable to resolve disputes and mediation is not successful for whatever reason, It’s important to look after your own physical and mental health. You should aviod the following:
- Obsessively thinking – blaming, dwelling on the past and ‘what might have been’.
- Risky or harmful behaviour – use of alcohol and drugs, gambling and extreme sports.
- Social media misuse – posting humiliating or offensive material about them, venting your emotions online, cyberstalking.
- Social withdrawal – refusing to talk to or socialise with family, friends and colleagues who would like to help.
If you feel that you may need some additional help contact one of the following services:
