Lilly Pilly Blog
Are you a parental alienator?
Feelings of anger, resentment, or a desire for revenge are normal post separation. But it’s important that you don’t let your feeling affect the relationship you’re children have with the other parent. It’s easy to become absorbed in our own problems and you may unknowingly become an alienating parent. Intentional or not, parental alienation is child abuse. So you’re not badmouthing the other parent – You might not be speaking negatively directly to your child...
Online safety challenges & tools for separated parents.
The media is full of scary stories about online risks for young people and while there are also more specific and unique concerns about children using their technology within the context of post-separation co-parenting arrangements that requires extra vigilance, it’s important not to let potential problems stop you from letting your child use technology for their education and personal interests. Open communication is the most important tool for those in a co-parenting arrangement. As nice as ...
Bad Mouthing the Other Parent
Regardless of whether you’re married, separated, unmarried or divorced, bad mouthing the other parent is not appropriate behaviour. Children see themselves as a blend of both parents, half of you and half of the other parent. No matter what parents do, it’s natural for most children to continue to love their parents unconditionally and seek their acceptance. When anyone puts down the their parents it hurts them, and it’s especially hurtful when it comes from one of their own parent...
Communication between the school for high conflict separated parents.
It may seem petty to use an emergency contact form for school as means of control in a power struggle, but unfortunately it happens. This tactic is often used to undermine your efforts and paint you as the difficult or absent parent who doesn’t communicate. 28% of children under the age of 14 have separated parents. That is a significant percentage of the school community and unless there is a court order that says otherwise, both parents are entitled to...
Setting your own house rules.
Kids are able to understand that their are different rules and expectations of them in different places. For example school aged children are expected to raise their hand and talk when called on where at home this is not the case. The same goes for different house holds, when visiting family or friends they may be expected to take their shoes off in one place and not the other. This is simple respectfulness that kids are able to adjust to....
Using devices during supervised visits.
There are very valid reasons why parents use their devices during a supervised vists. Maybe you are going to check the time, respond a text or email, or take a photo. That’s the world we live in, and that’s okay. But when we become absorbed in our devices in a way that interferes with our ability to connect with and respond to our kids, then this a problem. While Lilly Pilly doesn’t have set rules regarding device use during visitation,...
Changeover Etiquette.
Changeovers can undoubtedly be challenging, particularly for the children involved. It’s essential that these transitions are smooth, free of conflict, and safe for everyone every single time. The experience of changeovers can evolve and varies from one family to another. Some parents engage in friendly chats and updates, while others may not communicate at all. Here are some helpful tips Lilly Pilly recommended to ensure changeovers are seamless and hostile free, especially for the kids: ...
Impact of an ‘Order of Protection’
Some protective measures implemented in response to domestic violence accusations may inadvertently encourage false claims. This can happen when individuals seek to gain an upper hand in negotiations during a troubled relationship. Domestic violence is a significant and pervasive issue in Australia, and allegations are taken with the utmost seriousness. However, it’s important to recognize that someone can be accused of domestic violence without having committed any actual violent act. Often, ...
Crisis support available over festive season.
While many of us are guilty of overindulging over the festive season, If you are in the midst of a high conflict separation it may be beneficial to say no to a drink this festive season. It’s important to eat and drink alcohol in moderation as much as possible. What we eat and drink is linked to our mood and both our physical and mental health. We need to mindful of the mental health and wellbeing of ourselves and others...
Children have rights, parents have responsibilities.
It’s a parents responsibility to make decisions according to what will support and promote their child’s best interest. It shouldn’t be a battle between two adults while the child sits in the middle, seen as a prize to be won. Parents can become so absorbed with their own battles that they forget the impacts on their children. Children NEED stability in relationships –They should have stability in thier relationship with mum and with dad, and stability in the relationship between...
No one ever ‘wins’ in the Family Court system.
With court cases draging on for about two years before you see any resolution and costs ranging from $60k – 150k+, there is no surprise that only about 3% of cases actually reach a Final Hearing. The emotional toll durring this whole process can be super stressful and takes a real hit on everyone involved, especially the kids. Parents can easily become so absorbed with their own battles that they overlook the impacts on their children. It’s beneficial that you...
Grandparent’s Rights, Where does the law stand?
In most family dynamics, grandparents hold a cherished and important place in the lives of their grandchildren. Yet, when family dynamics shift due to separation, divorce, or other legal issues, these grandparents may struggle to staying connected. If you are worried about the immediate safety of your grandchild, you should contact the police and your local welfare agency. If you are in a situation where you are being refused access to your grandchild and/or grandchildren your first point of cal...