The media is full of scary stories about online risks for young people and while there are also more specific and unique concerns about children using their technology within the context of post-separation co-parenting arrangements that requires extra vigilance, it’s important not to let potential problems stop you from letting your child use technology for their education and personal interests.
Open communication is the most important tool for those in a co-parenting arrangement. As nice as it would be for both parents to agree on rules regarding technology, this is not always the case. Show interest in what your child is doing online, this means actively engaging in conversations about their online activities, ask questions about the websites they visit, apps they use, and people they interact with, to demonstrate that you care about their digital world and want to understand their online experiences, as this creates an open dialogue. The content of these conversations with your child about online risks will depend on their age and stage of development. As your child gets older they will need more information, as they will want more freedom and privacy. Even with good skills and knowledge or the use of parental controls, things can still go wrong online and the risks are higher for those with co-parenting arrangements. That’s why it is important for parents and carers to stay involved and interested in the online and offline lives of their children.
Managing devices between households can be a challenge for co-parents, especially those in a high conflict separation or where domestic abuse is involved. It would be nice to simply have separate devices for each house hold, but the older your child is the less realistic this solution becomes. Digital literacy is an important part of the school curriculum and as a result children require technology to complete their studies and once your child is old enough to travel independently you will want them to be contactable at all times. In the instance where domestic abuse is involved you will want to insure that devices aren’t being used to continue the abuse. Set boundaries regarding appropriate times and places for your child to talk to the other parent. You may also want to ensure that the device isn’t being use track you via GPS. Parental controls can be a great tool but unfortunately they weren’t created with conflicting co-parents in mind, an alternative protection method is to create device free zones in your home, this way you can monitor online use without the need for parental controls. Having space in your house where technology is not allowed provides a clearer space for other activities like homework and study. Bedrooms are a great space to make device free, along with the dining room. When there are no devices in bedrooms, it also allows the room to be more relaxing and provides a better night’s sleep.
We live in a digital world and that’s not about to change. Not every person your child meets on the internet can harm them, but the fact remains that wherever kids are playing online, so are child predators. You wouldn’t give your child a bike without a helmet, or a car without driving lessons, so please don’t hand them over any device without putting safety measures in place.
