Manipulation can take many forms. A manipulator can skew any situation to make themselves the victim. They encourage you to doubt yourself and make you question your own reality.
Separation with a manipulative partner can be hard when children are involved as they often use them as tool to continue the manipulative behaviour.
The motivation behind manipulative behaviour may be for financial gain, to obtain power and control, to inflict pain or they may be dealing with a mental health condition.
When you set healthy boundaries, you’re better able to protect yourself and your child emotionally and physically. Deciding which boundaries to set often depends on how manipulative the person is, some boundaries that can be helpful include:
- Limit contact as much as possible, don’t overshare, keeping your personal life private. Try to keep your conversations brief, general and child task focused.
- Stay neutral, ignore insults, guilt trips, or accusations, avoid making eye contact, only give short unemotional answers.
- Prioritise your child’s best interests, pause before you agree to anything a manipulative person asks of you. Take a moment (or longer) and ask yourself what it is that you really want to do, separate from their requests.
- Take a step back and try to assess the situation. What are the facts? Focus on those instead of beliefs or opinions.
- Provide structure, including consistent household rules and predictable schedules by adhering to the custody agreement and sticking to scheduled or planned visits. You don’t need to compete for your child’s affection.
Things may get worse before they get better, when a manipulator loses their power they often act erratic in an attempt to regain it. It’s important that you stick boundaries, don’t get sucked into their drama.
Your child may experience chronic anxiety and depression as they deal with the conflicting emotions instilled in them. The manipulation they endure can affect their ability to form healthy relationships in adulthood, including with their own future children. They may struggle with their sense of identity, torn between the two conflicting parents.
Seeking external help should be a priority as mental health and happiness are paramount, and addressing these issues is not something you want to put off. Queensland Government has a helpful page that locates support in your area :
