The holidays are supposed to be a fun filled time of the year. However, holidays can be significantly stressful for separated or blended families. Coordinating schedules for visitations and parenting time can be overwhelming. This is especially true if this is the first holiday for a family after a split. While the transition may be difficult, you can help reduce the amount of stress and potential anxiety and minimise disruption by considering some of these holiday co-parenting tips:
Communicate with the other parent, It’s easy to get lost in the excitement of the upcoming holiday plans. Remember the other parent may also have plans and without communication, it can end up in conflict and everyone’s plans are ruined. Don’t wait until the last minute to begin making holiday scheduling plans. Keep track of your plans and to-do lists, and try to stay organised to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Be willing to compromise, It is essential for parents to remain flexible when it comes to arranging co-parenting time. The holidays can be unpredictable, so be prepared for last-minute changes. If for example, your ex-spouse has extended family coming into town, they may request trading days so that your children can visit. If the situation were reversed, you would want your ex to extend a similar courtesy. Arrange for any make-up days if these conciliatory gestures interfere with parenting time.
It’s NOT a competition, Don’t feel pressured to buy your children’s love. The holidays are not a competition, and you should not feel the need to out do your ex-spouse or make them look bad in any way. Coordinating gift-giving with your ex-spouse is a good idea this help prevent duplicate gifts.
Be open to new ideas and traditions. Encourage children to be part of creating new holiday traditions. Acknowledge and validate any emotions or concerns children may have about the changes. Re-arranging traditions such as opening presents on Christmas morning to a new time that fits in with your arrangements.
Seek help if needed, in some cases it’s best to have an independent third party such as a mediator or parenting coordinators to assist in coming to an amicable agreement that is in the best interest of the children. Co-parenting doesn’t always work in high conflict relationships and an independent third party can be extremely helpful.
Embrace your child-free time, plan things for yourself with family and friends so you are not alone and lonely on these days. Spend your time doing something that makes you happy. Make your enjoyment a priority. At the very least, make sure you have some distractions ready and alternate plans. Missing your children is common, after all they are generally your main focus in your daily life. But self-care is extremely important! If you aren’t taking care of yourself, it’s hard to take care of anyone else.
